A Dark Day

My sister-in-law died this morning.

I'm still in shock; not really knowing what to do, how to act, where to go from here. This is my first experience with death, something I've discovered is both a blessing and a curse.

Her death was something we've been preparing for since her husband (SP's brother) gathered us together for a family meeting back at the beginning of March to break the news - his wife, his partner, his best friend had Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that, after a lot of soul-searching, she had decided not to seek any treatment. She was a proud woman, but she was also realistic. She knew there was no hope for a cure, as the cancer had spread to her liver and possibly her lungs, and treatment would only postpone the inevitable. She chose to die at home surrounded by those she loved. Her husband said she was in a lot of pain at the end, so I can only hope that now she has found peace.

She and I were never especially close, seeing as she was old enough to be my grandmother. That's what happens when your husband is the baby of the family by almost two decades and the eldest marries someone 20 years older than him. But despite our age difference she welcomed me into the family, making me feel special and loved. She shared her years of wisdom with me and she and my brother-in-law were the very definition of true love, something SP and I admired more than anything. The world will never be the same now that she's gone.

I cooked tonight, more for theraputic reasons then from actual hunger. It didn't feel right posting the photo, though, so I'll save that for another time. I don't know how much cooking I'll be doing in the coming days, but I doubt I'll be posting any photos at least until after the funeral on Monday.

Until then, please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.